This is for anyone who is having a Monday today (tho I am not, today is actually going well and I am looking forward to a 3 day weekend) or anyone who needs a good giggle. This is a sweet, hilarious story:
The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher:
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself. But the best birth story
I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I
always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish catches
and stuff like that. And I never, ever place any
boundaries or limitations on them. If they want
to lug it to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles
up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed
under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of
an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to
tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the
pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing
I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk,
holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers
babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car
like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this."
Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of
water she kept in there in case he got thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,
like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little
hands are miming water flowing away. It was
too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,
and breathe, breathe." "They started counting,
but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered
in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff
inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow
and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded
the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring
my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes
along.
The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher:
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself. But the best birth story
I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I
always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish catches
and stuff like that. And I never, ever place any
boundaries or limitations on them. If they want
to lug it to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles
up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed
under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of
an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to
tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the
pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing
I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk,
holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers
babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car
like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this."
Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of
water she kept in there in case he got thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,
like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little
hands are miming water flowing away. It was
too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,
and breathe, breathe." "They started counting,
but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered
in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff
inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow
and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded
the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring
my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes
along.
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