A mid-week funny for the ladies

Dear Kotex:

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panti-liner had a
bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
Staying active during your period can relieve cramps. Avoiding
caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches. Drink 6-8 glasses of
water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh. Try Kotex's other
products - blah blah blah . . . ..

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO
HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling
fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the
first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
Printing out such advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS
ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and
enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not
a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or
bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put
the stuff in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our
carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate
goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage,
including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your back side.
Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher
while you're doing it!

Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

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