Warning: Whining ahead

Sitting and feeling ones' body disinigrate is not at all pleasant. The beta-blockers are barely keeping the tachycardia at bay, the jitters and shakes are getting worse by the minute and the really annoying thing is the muscle weakness is to the point I am seriously considering stealing hubby's wheelchair so I can move about without wanting to fall down and cry.

I kept standing up last night after work to go out and water my garden, then kept sitting down again. No energy and just standing up was a chore. Which made fixing dinner a royal pain. Hubby kept telling me to use the rolly chair (a secrataries chair we have) while I was in the kitchen. Problem is it is short and I am short and my eyes would have barely been level with the range top. Not a good situation when trying to cook. I've got to work up some meals hubby can do, a lot of "pull it out of the freezer and just throw it in the oven to cook" type things. He can't stand very long, thanks to a back injury, so he's in worse shape then I am in the kitchen right now.

And stairs! I can't climb them if there are a lot, which means at work I gotta take the elevator to the 2nd floor unless I want to find myself dropping from over exertion before I get to the landing half way. Shorter flights I have to hang onto the rail or lean on the wall for dear life if I want to get up or down them without falling.

I am soo seriously tempted to go back on my ATDs, I really, really, really hate how I am feeling. I burst into tears at the drop of a hat (even worse then when I'm PMSing), it takes 2 hands to use a stapler, my sleep is seriously disturbed even with the CPAP (I'm waking up extremely exhausted in the mornings and naps don't help) and my appetite is still screwed up to whine about a few things.

I've a week to go before I see then endo. I am both looking forward to the visit and dreading it as I know I'm going to have to fight to get the surgery. Unless he's changed in the last few years, he's the type who thinks RAI is a one size fits all cure for things. As I've mentioned in previous posts, no way in hell am I going to nuke my thyroid just because the doc wants to take the easy way out and saddle me with new problems.

Well, at least it's been raining today so I don't have to feel so guilty about not watering my garden last night.

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